Lesson 12: Divorce and Remarriage

Divorce will not be in the vocabulary of anyone in my home. It will not even be joked about. It may seem crazy, but divorce is one of the hardest things to overcome in this life. I never ever ever want to go through that, and neither does my fiance. This may seem obvious, because why would we be getting married if we were even to consider divorce? Unfortunately, there are a large number of couples going into marriage, being slightly unsure if it will work out or not. Sometimes there are situations that can just simply not be avoided and where divorce may be inevitable. I feel sorry for these families that have to go through that, and I don't judge them. All I know is that I want to avoid divorce like the plague. There are many situations that go through divorce, that also go through remarriage. This can be a great blessing to many individuals. Transitioning from one family to another can be hard, but if all people in the situation are understanding and willing to be patient, many great and wonderful experiences 

Lesson 11: Parenting

Lesson 10: Fathers and Finances

Fathers are to provide, preside, and protect the family. Some roles with the mother may interchange sometimes, but those are their main duties in the home. There can be much stress that follows financial difficulties, or any other hard situation, and fathers are there to help the family overcome these hard things. How is a family going to survive if the father steps back and doesn't do anything? I feel very blessed to be marrying a man who understands that he will have to serve his family. I know that I have to serve my family and give it my best effort for the rest of my life also. My own father has been the best example of a provider, a presider, and a protector in my family. He has a heart of gold, and would never do anything that would bring our family shame. He works hard and is successful in his career, but he also makes sure that each child feels loved and cared for. He also cares for us in a way that keeps us safe from harm, and he guides the family to have Family Home Evening every Sunday night, dinner as a family most nights, and family prayer most nights. He has been a wonderful example to me and something that I desired in my future husband. Fortunately for me, I found what I was looking for. :)

Lesson 9: Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

Being engaged, it has become common knowledge to my fiance and I that having good communication is vital to marital success. How are problems going to be solved, victories shared, or emotions taken care of if there is bad communication in the home? Whenever my fiance and I are somehow miscommunicating or we just aren't on the same page when we're talking, we realize it and point it out. We actually make a joke out of it, because sometimes we simply just misunderstood the point that the other person was trying to make. What I have learned though, is that the best way to solve something is to sit down and counsel about it. Let your feelings be known, and then find a way to work on whatever the topic of discussion is. Hiding feelings and thinking that the other person should understand what you're going through is just simply messed up. They can't read your mind and they never will be able to. Tell them how you feel. Have family counsels so that everyone knows what kinds of situations the family is going through. Leave confusion to politics. The family is a tight-knit support system, but how can anyone be supported when things are being hidden? They can't. Simple as that. 

Lesson 8: The Family Under Stress

Lesson 7: Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

This is a hot topic in family studies, because sexual intimacy can lead to the great success of a marriage, or the great downfall of one. I feel that the best way to create the prior is to stay abstinent until marriage, and once you are married to have complete fidelity to your spouse. It has truly been a blessing in my life even before being married to be able to know that I have saved myself for my husband and will only ever know my husband. Those kinds of relationships have an eternal bond that can protect a marriage from falling apart. Something that couples have to know, is that there are boundaries in marriage. By this I mean boundaries with people outside of the marriage. A husband or a wife should avoid being alone with someone of the opposite sex at all times that it is possible. Even though a person may truly love their spouse and feel that they could never in a million years cheat on them, if they are careless with their boundaries, they may become susceptible to being tempted to cheat. It is important to point out that having feelings for another person outside of marriage is infidelity. Many may not have realized that before, but it is. That is why you should share your deepest thoughts and your inner most feelings with your spouse and only your spouse. When you begin to talk with another about those things, you begin to create something that should never be there. Complete fidelity will protect a couple from many marriage problems, and it should be sought after with the passion and burning of a thousand suns.

Lesson 6: Transitions in Marriage

This lesson correlates to one that we have had previously. We talked this week about the most beneficial way to start a family, and how the family could be jeopardized if things don't change. I talked about my feelings on cohabitation earlier, but there are also a few other ways of starting a marriage that could be harmful to the family. One of them is decided on some major life events either before you're married, or when you're in the beginning stages of marriages. Talk about this question with your fiance or spouse: "How many children do we want, and when?" Something that might be a little bit offensive to some is the idea of waiting or not waiting to have children. I believe that the way to go about finding out when a couple should have kids is to prayerfully ask the Lord what His will is. Personally, I don't feel that it is a good idea to wait a long time after you're married to have children. It may be a good idea to get to know your spouse for a little bit before that happens, but I feel that if you wait too long, your spouse and you may have gotten into a pattern of living that will be hard to change once you have kids. That is just one potential issue that would need to be resolve, but there could be others as well. 
"They" always say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. This is very true, I believe, and although it hasn't happened to me quite yet, I am ready for that challenge. I imagine that it will be difficult to adjust to living and meshing two lives that have had a set pattern of living for 18-30 years. Even though there can be many difficulties when a couple is first married, I feel that one of the best ways to overcome those struggles is to be completely unselfish, to not be picky, and to pray constantly. 

Lesson 5: Preparing for Marriage

What was talked about in this lesson can be of a great benefit to all who are single and also those who may have some marriage difficulties. A lot of time the way that you date is a good indicator of your marriage success. Something that I have really admired and appreciated about BYU-Idaho is that the guys take you on dates! Yes, the planned, paid for, and paired off kind of a date. Where the simplest of forms is the typical dinner and a movie. It is so extremely uncommon outside of BYU schools to go on dates like everyone here does. Even at this school though, dating has its flaws if you are not careful. When we went over the lessons from this week, I had a chance to reflect on how my fiance and I began our relationship and wondered if we took the proper course of action with it. I think we did. Something that is so amazing about our relationship now is that we were strictly friends for about 4 or 5 months before we came to be in a serious relationship. We got to admire each other from a distance, we got to see each other in a wide variety of situations, and we came to find out that we really had a good time together. I saw him work like a boss in school, be kind to everyone no matter where we were, and just smile at life's simple pleasures. He got to see me in many situations also, and looking back on it, I am still amazed that he fell for me when at the time that we were getting to know each other, neither one of us had any intention of dating or getting married. Something that I also found that was very important was that we got to see some of each other's flaws. Like I said before, I don't know how he fell for me after seeing my good and bad sides. Now, before we were in a relationship, we had the chance to be around each other in many many many group settings, but also settings where the 3 P's applied (planned, paid for, paired off). We played tennis mostly. It just so happened that we finally sat down and talked about our feelings one day. He told me that I stole his heart, and I told him that I was ready to see how being in a relationship goes. The rest is history from there, but something that I really want to emphasize is that it is almost impossible to really analyze your feelings or a relationship when from the beginning, you were just "hanging out" or you became romantic from day 1. It takes time and if you really want to build a solid friendship that will last forever, it is in your best interest to go on dates and find out who the person is without having a seriously intimate setting physically and emotionally. I promise that this system works.

Lesson 3: Social Class and Cultural Diversity
As I have been learning a lot about Sociology at BYU-Idaho, I have come to realize many differences between cultures. I have learned and understood why an African tribe finds women more beautiful and desireable when they sharpen their teeth to look pointy. That cultural tradition was not shaped by this tribe's skin color or language. I am not able to explain exactly why this tribe came to believe what is more beautiful to them, but I can say that it is socially created, just like Americans have socially created the idea that being more tan and more thin is more beautiful, and why we don't believe that sharpening a woman's teeth will cause her husband to look at her with more delight. So many ideas and values are created in our minds by the way that we were raised. I was raised in a wonderful middle-class, caucasian, mother-father home in the United States. My ideas of family, society, and economics have been socially created as I have internalized what my culture has taught me. I don't and will never see sharpened teeth as beautiful, because I have grown up to believe that flat, white, and straight teeth are more beautiful. People begin to act in such a way that correllates with what they value, and I know that I am attending BYU-Idaho and gaining a higher education is mainly because I have come to accept my society and the desires that society has for me. Now, I also have a religious take on this, because I want to live my life in a way that will please Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, but I was also raised in a home that taught me to do so. I am also not excluding personal choice from this process, because I could have chosen a different path for myself, but I believe that this choice will be the best for me. Families have a monumental impact on how we are raised and how we will end up, and we can learn and understand how other cultures act and what they value based on